Press Release About December 7th 2009 Event

I want to apologize to my friends, my donors, my staff, my vendors, the press, and most importantly The Leap Foundation for an incident that seems to be growing out of control that occurred toward the end of the event on Monday night. I understand that with my name attached to the event that I need to accept responsibility for what happened and I do accept it with a heavy heart. I have made changes within my organization to prevent a situation like this from occurring again.

Again, I apologize for all those affected and for not producing a high caliber nonprofit event that I am known for.

Michael Dean Shelton

The Scars of the Past Providing Compassion and Healing

Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.--Buddha

I am a survivor of what many would perceive as injustices. The foundation of the life I live now is based on one of those injustices. Simply put, I am a survivor of child abuse. According to Childhelp.org, In 2007, approximately 5.8 million children were involved in an estimated 3.2 million child abuse reports and allegations. The statistics are frightening. Eighty percent of survivors, for example, develop some form of mental/psychiatric problems such as depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. For me, I developed an eating disorder, anorexia, to cope.

Several years ago, I went into treatment for the fourth time to get the anorexia under control. As I worked to say goodbye to that scared, battered seven year old child that was continuing to rule my life and my decisions, I decided to use plastic surgery to correct the flaws left behind in the brutality I suffered as a seven and eight year old child. I operated, under what I now have learned to be a false sense of security, that by erasing those scars the abuse would no longer be a part of my life. In my mind, erasing those scars would help erase the past thus healing my mind, body, and soul. As fate would have it, a four year girl proved that theory wrong.

I made a visit to a Los Angeles based battered women and children shelter in September. I came across a four and half year girl that I will call Betsy (pseudonym used). Betsy had burned scars on her body, a broken arm, and a concussion. As I sat on the floor to be eye level with Betsy, she came over and crawled into my lap. With her mother's permission, I asked her about the wounds that covered much of her young body. She started shaking and crying. As I held her, I decided to share my story with her. As the tears and the shaking subsided, she looked up at me and asked "Does it still hurt now?". I told her no, that time and with love that the physical pain and wounds do heal and at that point I decided to show her my own scars on my hands. On the back of one hand, the scar of a back of a hammer going through to my palm was quite visible as was the stab wound on the front side of right palm. She quietly ran her hands over the wounds and looked up at me to see if pain would register in my face. Slowly, a smile crept across her face. She stated "Your right, it does heal and doesn't hurt, does it?". I nodded in agreement with her statement. At that point, I realized how important it was to keep some scars from that traumatic period in my life. I would have never thought that using those "props" would make a difference in someone's else life.

Betsy is still healing and will for some time. For me, I have decided to stop the cosmetic surgeries and to keep some of the scars. I offer this story for all of us as hope, as a light at the end of the tunnel. Let us use the scars of the past as tools of healing and compassion.

Lending My Voice for the MS Society

Ojakian Tennis Celebrity Pro-Am to End MS event needs you! They are looking for more kids and adults to register to play in the clinics, amateurs for the pro-am, and people to attend the cocktail party & auction. Please join me in supporting them on November 14th.

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=171958917227&ref=mf

http://www.nationalmssociety.org/chapters/CAL/fundraising-events/community-events/ojakian-tennis-celebrity-pro-am/index.aspx

Interesting Tidbits for the Event:

• The opportunity to play doubles with a pro or celebrity in the Pro-Am Tournament ($500), includes lunch & cocktail reception
• Evening cocktail reception ($100), includes Pro-Am admission, a pro exhibition match and silent and live auction
• Junior & adult tennis clinics, including lunch ($30 and $40 each), includes lunch
• Stadium seating to watch the tournament ($25)
• Celebrities in attendance -Matthew Perry, Gavin Rossdale, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Brody Jenner, Sendhil Ramamurthy, Alan Thicke, Linda Thompson, Matthew Lillard, Wayne Bryan
• Professional tennis players include: Tracy Austin, Pam Shriver, Derek Rostagno, Bill Scanlon, Katrina Adams, Taylor Dent, Michael Chang, Elliot Teltscher, Chuck Adams, V.J. Armitraj, Scott Davis

Quick facts on MS can be found here: http://www.nationalmssociety.org/about-multiple-sclerosis/index.aspx

So let's sell some tickets (i.e. $25 to watch these amazing individuals play tennis and to give to a great cause!), help find some players and lets all work toward a generation free of MS!

Feds argue Massachusetts can't force same-sex marriage benefits By DEVLIN BARRETT

Originally printed (Issue 1744 - Between The Lines News)

WASHINGTON (AP) - States that allow same-sex marriage can't force the federal government to provide benefits to those couples, the Obama administration argued Friday in court papers in a lawsuit by Massachusetts.

The Justice Department is at odds with Massachusetts - the first state to allow same-sex marriage - over a 1996 federal law defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

Massachusetts sued in July, saying that law is discriminatory and deprives gay couples in the state of some federal spousal benefits.

The Obama administration agrees the Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA, is discriminatory and wants it repealed, but says it has an obligation to defend laws enacted by Congress while they are on the books and can be reasonably defended.

The law "does not prohibit gay and lesbian couples from marrying, nor does it prohibit the states from acknowledging same-sex marriages," according to the court filing by Assistant Attorney General Tony West.

Massachusetts, the filing continues, is trying to claim individuals have a right to federal benefits based on marital status.

"There is, however, no fundamental right to marriage-based federal benefits," according to the 36-page filing.

The 1996 law denies federal recognition of same-sex marriage and gives states the right to refuse to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states.

Massachusetts is the first state to sue the government over the DOMA law. Some gay couples have filed their own lawsuits challenging the law, but this case is unique in pitting a state against the federal government over the issue.

Justice Dept. spokeswoman Tracy Schmaler said any state "can allow gay and lesbian citizens to marry and can make its own decisions about how to treat married couples when it comes to state benefits."

"Massachusetts is not being denied the right to provide benefits to same-sex couples and, in fact, has enacted a law to provide equal health benefits to same-sex spouses," she said.

In earlier filings, the government has sought to dismiss the DOMA lawsuits brought by individuals.

The Massachusetts case could also have implications for Democratic Party politics. The Massachusetts Attorney General, Martha Coakley, is trying to win the Senate seat of the late Edward Kennedy, at the same time her office is leading the lawsuit against the Democratic administration on the issue of gay rights.

The lawsuit brought by Massachusetts says the approximately 16,000 same-sex couples who have married since the state allowed it in 2004 are being unfairly denied federal benefits given to heterosexual couples.

Those benefits include federal income tax credits, employment benefits, retirement benefits, health insurance coverage and Social Security payments, the lawsuit says.

The lawsuit also argues that the federal law requires the state to violate the constitutional rights of its citizens by treating married heterosexual couples and married same-sex couples differently when determining eligibility for Medicaid benefits and when determining whether the spouse of a veteran can be buried in a Massachusetts veterans' cemetery.

Besides Massachusetts, five other states - Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine and Iowa - have legalized gay marriage.

Ten Simple Ideas To Eliminate Homophobia

1) Don't laugh at insensitive and stereotypical jokes about the GLBT community.

2) Make an effort to get to know members of the GLBT community. They are mothers, dads, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, grandfathers, husbands, wives, rabbis, preachers.

3) Learn about their rich culture and history. Study up on Harvey Milk and Matthew Shepard. Learn about what the colors on their flag mean. Discover how members of the GLBT were also persecuted during the Holocaust.

4) Think before you speak or vote. Words can hurt whether you mean them to or not. Voting with ignorance or because of the unknown to deprive individuals basic human rights is wrong. Follow step number #2.

5) Be critical but respectful of those who have differing opinions of the GLBT community. Show them by example how they are wrong. Be a role model and help educate others about your own experiences. Lead by example.

6) Don't make assumptions. Using stereotypes to group all GLBT individuals as the same is disrespectful.

7) Explore the unfamiliar. Attend a gay church or synagogue, visit PFLAG or a Gay and Lesbian Community Center, attend a gay nonprofit event such as the GLAAD Media Awards or the Trevor Project Cracked Christmas.

8) Work on projects with members of the GLBT community. March with them as they continue to fight for equality. See their passion, their drive, their families.

9) For parents, be proactive. Again lead by example. Expose your children to the GLBT community without fear. Show them that GLBTs are the same as everyone else.

10) Support organizations such as GLAAD (www.glaad.org) or the Matthew Shepard Foundation (www.matthewshepard.org) that promote healthy images of the GLBT community and who consistently fight to break down stereotypes of prejudicism and racism.

Across the Nation, The Media Outs Mr. Obama for his Lack of Gay Rights Support

While the White House and the Human Rights Campaign were quick to pat themselves on the back for President Obama's address on Saturday, October 10th, many national leaders and major news outlets have pointed to the fact that his speech was little more than a continuation of his promises dating back to 2007 and not substantive action.

From Time Magazine:
Obama's Gay Outreach: All Talk, No Action

"Obama did pledge — as he has before — to end the Pentagon's "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. But once again he said nothing specific about how he plans to do that and didn't acknowledge that he already has the statutory power to instruct the Pentagon that investigating service members' sexuality is not in the best interest of the armed forces. Also, he said that gay relationships can be "just as real and admirable" as straight relationships, but he did not say gay couples should be treated equally. Obama, after all, still opposes equal marriage rights."
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1929687,00.html

From The New York Times:

In the nine months since, Mr. Obama has made only limited progress on the issues that are important to gays. He has pushed for hate crime legislation, and a bill, approved in the House on Thursday, now appears headed for passage. He has put forth a package of domestic partnership benefits for federal workers, but faced criticism that the effort did not include health benefits. He has said he would push to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act, which allows states to refuse to recognize same-sex marriages in other states, but it remains on the books.

But of all the issues Mr. Obama has vowed to address, the Clinton-era “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy is perhaps the one that stirs the most emotion. Mr. Obama said Saturday night that he was working with the Pentagon and with House and Senate leaders to repeal the policy, but many gay rights supporters have accused him of dragging his feet.

In the days before the speech, many advocates for gay rights said they hoped he would lay out a timetable for overturning the policy or otherwise offer specifics on how he will achieve his goal.

“An opportunity was missed tonight,” Aubrey Sarvis, executive director of Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, which represents gay and lesbian soldiers, said in a statement afterward.

From Politico:
President Obama offers little new in speech to gay rights activists at HRC dinner

But while the speech was applauded in the hall, reaction outside of it was was harsher, with many prominent gay voices concerned by the president's lack of specifics.

Prominent gay blogger John Aravosis, in a post titled "Where's the Beef?", wrote that "Obama repeated his campaign promises. That was it."

"An opportunity was missed tonight," said Kevin Dix of the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, which had urged Obama to set a deadline for ending Don't Ask Don't Tell. "When are we going to get this done? We didn't hear any of that tonight."
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1009/28156.html

From the Dallas Morning News:

"We were hoping that [Obama] would come through on some of his campaign promises faster than he has," said Erin Moore, president of the Stonewall Democrats of Dallas, an activist group. "We're still hopeful that something will happen, but the window of opportunity is closing very rapidly."

Rob Schlein, president of the gay activist group Log Cabin Republicans of Dallas, said Obama missed an opportunity to change the policy when his Justice Department urged the U.S. Supreme Court not to hear a case addressing the issue.

"His administration promises one thing and does another," Schlein said.
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/nation/stories/101109dnnatdontask

Why I am Not Marching on Washington

After much agonizing, I have come to the conclusion that marching on Washington is a pointless exercise in futility. I feel very strongly that my time will be best served continuing with writing about what I feel needs to be done and by action, connecting and working with individuals, churches, and groups that feel I am a lesser individual because I am gay. Let me explain in further detail what I mean.

We have not learned the lessons from last year's failure of Prop 8 in California. We have become apathetic to some extent, we have encompassed a feeling of entitlement to rights that we refuse to work hard for, and that we continue to put our faith blindly in a president that does not deserve it. All these things are pushing our movement backwards and we are doomed to fail. I have a very strong feeling that the March on Washington will turn into a congratulatory circuit party that is unjustified and undignified. There is absolutely nothing for us to congratulate each other on. We failed each other and we continue to do so. Until we can turn the apathy, the ignorance, and the inaction around, there will be no equality.

We also continue to support organizations such as the Human Rights Campaign, The Courage Campaign, and the Equality California that have become indifferent and have a hidden agenda. We saw this very clearly in Senator Schumer stating in June that HRC has asked Mr. Obama to withhold action on Don't Ask Don't Tell till next year for no apparent reason. We saw at in Equality California when they announced that they were waiting till 2012 to repeal Prop 8. All these actions are fraud committed against the same people who pump money into these orgs to stay afloat and to represent our interests. Our leaders have become the bloated fatcats of a gay version of Wall Street and yet we do not protest.

We continue to hold out hope that Mr. Obama will follow through on his words. I have no doubt that he will throw us a bone or two, especially around election time to ensure victory. Having him speak at the March is ridiculous and insulting to the GLBT community. In my opinion, we look like fools. Here is a bigoted, hateful man against gay people and yet we are still supporting him. This will no doubt fuel the Christian Fundamentalists that we really do not care about our community. Is that the message we want to send?

It is my belief that if we gather on Washington next month, we will slide into a quicksand of a mess. A poor showing of GLBTs, a celebratory atmosphere with dances and music, and then having Mr. Obama speak, who has done nothing to further our rights, will not only show the United States but the world that we do not deserve what some of us are fighting for. We must remember the words of Sir Winston Churchhill who stated "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word. It is victory. Victory at all costs - Victory in spite of all terrors - Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival." This must be our battle cry.

Michael Dean Shelton

michaeldeanshelton@gmail.com

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